A Little Slack
Days like this makes a person start to wonder if they're failing at motherhood, life in general. {Pregnancy, once again, exhaustion and hormones don't help either}. You wake up barely functioning, but put on a happy face to try to do your best as a mother and make your children's day happy. We went to do a Lowe's workshop, not because I enjoy them by any means, but because they're something fun and creative for the kids to do for free. I got resistance in the place of gratefulness; a snotty attitude and a child arguing with me about everything. At least I should be grateful my children take turns having bad days, because I'd probably lock myself in my bedroom if they were both like this on the same day.
I sit him down and have a chat about his behavior, how it makes everything harder for him. Your attitude determines if your work will go quickly, or if it will be torture and right now you're making it torture. He seems to understand, it momentarily gets better, then it just takes a nose dive and goes up in flames.
You know what hurts? Is when you're the kind of parent, {like most are}, that work so hard to give your child a reward even if they haven't been earning it. You're essentially standing there trying to shove this reward in their hands if only they'd reach out and grab it, just show us you're trying. So, you give a little more leeway on the rope, you do your best to have patience and then comes the breaking point when you ask them, {I asked him}, Why am I working harder than you to give you a reward?
And I was done.
It hurt anyway.
It hurts to have to watch your child suffer the consequences of their behavior, their poor choices, especially when you just spent the last 2 hours trying to convince him to have a better attitude and to just do the work, please! Perhaps I give too many chances and he has come to the conclusion that he can push me.
I know part of the reason is people just have bad days. Part of the reason is we have a very non-regulated schedule right now due to me not having a working vehicle, so we share a car and because of that some days we last minute have to switch our schedule to take Daddy to work so we can do what we need to do. And some is I'm exhausted and haven't been good about the regular bedtime routine like I had been in the past. I'm the only one who puts them to sleep and if I don't do it, they stay up until 1 am some nights.
Some days it does feel like single parenting not having that support system who's right there to back you up when you're too tired to do it all. Feed the kids, make sure they've had drinks, baths, clean clothes, put them to sleep, etc. But I'm the all in one parent. I'm the parent and Dad gets to be the "fun". And it stinks.
Nothing is a fix all in this world. It doesn't matter how many good choices you make in life, plans, schedules, and order you have; when it comes down to it some days are just going to implode like a nuclear bomb and have you curled up in a corner wondering what you're doing wrong. Because the world is imperfect.
It doesn't click perfectly like it was meant to. Sometimes things go awry. Sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes your kids are going through a growth spurt, or are going through something that you don't understand and they just need extra patience. Where am I supposed to get that?
I suppose that's why more so these days than others I have become a shut in because I need plenty of time to allow myself to not feel cornered to get him to react within a parameter. He doesn't work good under pressure.
Homeschooling isn't for the weak of heart, that's for sure. Especially when you have strong willed, intelligent, short attention spanned, children who question everything. Everything I've described them as is exactly as I would have them, but living and teaching them are not easy things to accomplish. I suppose what I need is a little slack myself.
I sit him down and have a chat about his behavior, how it makes everything harder for him. Your attitude determines if your work will go quickly, or if it will be torture and right now you're making it torture. He seems to understand, it momentarily gets better, then it just takes a nose dive and goes up in flames.
You know what hurts? Is when you're the kind of parent, {like most are}, that work so hard to give your child a reward even if they haven't been earning it. You're essentially standing there trying to shove this reward in their hands if only they'd reach out and grab it, just show us you're trying. So, you give a little more leeway on the rope, you do your best to have patience and then comes the breaking point when you ask them, {I asked him}, Why am I working harder than you to give you a reward?
And I was done.
It hurt anyway.
It hurts to have to watch your child suffer the consequences of their behavior, their poor choices, especially when you just spent the last 2 hours trying to convince him to have a better attitude and to just do the work, please! Perhaps I give too many chances and he has come to the conclusion that he can push me.
I know part of the reason is people just have bad days. Part of the reason is we have a very non-regulated schedule right now due to me not having a working vehicle, so we share a car and because of that some days we last minute have to switch our schedule to take Daddy to work so we can do what we need to do. And some is I'm exhausted and haven't been good about the regular bedtime routine like I had been in the past. I'm the only one who puts them to sleep and if I don't do it, they stay up until 1 am some nights.
Some days it does feel like single parenting not having that support system who's right there to back you up when you're too tired to do it all. Feed the kids, make sure they've had drinks, baths, clean clothes, put them to sleep, etc. But I'm the all in one parent. I'm the parent and Dad gets to be the "fun". And it stinks.
Nothing is a fix all in this world. It doesn't matter how many good choices you make in life, plans, schedules, and order you have; when it comes down to it some days are just going to implode like a nuclear bomb and have you curled up in a corner wondering what you're doing wrong. Because the world is imperfect.
It doesn't click perfectly like it was meant to. Sometimes things go awry. Sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Sometimes your kids are going through a growth spurt, or are going through something that you don't understand and they just need extra patience. Where am I supposed to get that?
I suppose that's why more so these days than others I have become a shut in because I need plenty of time to allow myself to not feel cornered to get him to react within a parameter. He doesn't work good under pressure.
Homeschooling isn't for the weak of heart, that's for sure. Especially when you have strong willed, intelligent, short attention spanned, children who question everything. Everything I've described them as is exactly as I would have them, but living and teaching them are not easy things to accomplish. I suppose what I need is a little slack myself.
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