Fair Expectations
I used to think I should never blog at night, but now I'm starting to think I should only blog at night.
All this silence. Just being all silent.
But in all the chaos today I was trying to hard to just block out the noise and the motion and the screaming children and then all of a sudden like a hand to my face I thought to myself
This is life with kids. Why do you want to block it out?
Yes it gets overwhelming. Yes it's tiring and challenging and at times I want to cry, scream and laugh at the same time like a mad woman; but they love me so much. And I love them so much and yet, I cause them pain by being intolerant of who they are, where they're at.
And then these thoughts brought me to this conclusion
What expectation is fair to have of a child?
I read an article when I was particularly overwhelmed and had to just walk away from the screaming, yelling, arguing and that despicable word "no" that was being thrown around all. day. long. It was about children communicating.
At 9 months my son is communicating in the form of screaming and crying if I put him down, if I pick him up and hold him the wrong way, if I try to feed him, if I don't feed him, if he throws his toy and wants me to get it for him so he can throw it again... you get the picture. And it's frustrating to me because I'm thinking it's a classic power struggle, right? He's challenging the ground and trying to feel out where my breaking point is so he can rule over me. This 9 month old adorable tyrant. When in reality he's a 9 month old that doesn't know words. He doesn't know how to play. He doesn't know how to express he's tired, hungry, thirsty, or just having a bad day. His emotions are all over the chart.
We know this is normal behavior for a baby, right? But what about 4 year olds? What about 7 year olds? In the scheme of things 4 and 7 years on planet earth is very very new. In the vast universe of knowledge man has not even figured out how to use more than a small percentage of our brain, we haven't even figured out what all of the brain can do.
I'm 31 and I still sometimes don't understand why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.
Here I've been parenting thinking after 4 & 7 years I have trained these children well enough they should be a well oiled machine by now! At 4 & 7. Let it sink in, guys.
My husband is 33 and HE is not a well oiled machine. But I didn't raise him. So, my spectacular version of parenting should have produced baby geniuses! lol :) I hope you can hear the sarcasm.
Suffice it to say, my children are intelligent but it had nothing to do with me.
God puts these little adults in our lives for an apprenticeship in life. A good teacher doesn't yell and get mad because someone hasn't mastered a skill yet. A good teacher doesn't make the student feel stupid or like a failure because they need more help, even if at the moment it's more help than you can offer.
It's like getting mad at the sky for being blue.
But now I have to ask myself, What is a fair expectation for myself?
I fail as a parent. Even after having 3 now, for some reason you think you should have it down, but they're all different and they all require something else from you. Maybe something you don't have in you. The more children you have the more difficult it is to treat them all like that little baby that you loved so dearly and would just hold for hours and cuddle... even if you want to, the hours in the day slip through your fingers and the newest baby requires you to live.
As a mother I feel like I live in a constant state of guilt and regret. Wanting to take that 7 year old in my arms and try to make him feel like I used to when he was the only child. Or to take that 4 year old and make her feel like she was ever the only child. It feels like such a rude awakening for the used to be baby to see the new baby take their spot.
I digress.
Grace. It's called grace. Grace for them and grace for myself. But mostly for them. I think we need to retrain ourselves to react with sympathy and love in the face of rebellion and confusion.
All this silence. Just being all silent.
But in all the chaos today I was trying to hard to just block out the noise and the motion and the screaming children and then all of a sudden like a hand to my face I thought to myself
This is life with kids. Why do you want to block it out?
Yes it gets overwhelming. Yes it's tiring and challenging and at times I want to cry, scream and laugh at the same time like a mad woman; but they love me so much. And I love them so much and yet, I cause them pain by being intolerant of who they are, where they're at.
And then these thoughts brought me to this conclusion
What expectation is fair to have of a child?
I read an article when I was particularly overwhelmed and had to just walk away from the screaming, yelling, arguing and that despicable word "no" that was being thrown around all. day. long. It was about children communicating.
At 9 months my son is communicating in the form of screaming and crying if I put him down, if I pick him up and hold him the wrong way, if I try to feed him, if I don't feed him, if he throws his toy and wants me to get it for him so he can throw it again... you get the picture. And it's frustrating to me because I'm thinking it's a classic power struggle, right? He's challenging the ground and trying to feel out where my breaking point is so he can rule over me. This 9 month old adorable tyrant. When in reality he's a 9 month old that doesn't know words. He doesn't know how to play. He doesn't know how to express he's tired, hungry, thirsty, or just having a bad day. His emotions are all over the chart.
We know this is normal behavior for a baby, right? But what about 4 year olds? What about 7 year olds? In the scheme of things 4 and 7 years on planet earth is very very new. In the vast universe of knowledge man has not even figured out how to use more than a small percentage of our brain, we haven't even figured out what all of the brain can do.
I'm 31 and I still sometimes don't understand why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.
Here I've been parenting thinking after 4 & 7 years I have trained these children well enough they should be a well oiled machine by now! At 4 & 7. Let it sink in, guys.
My husband is 33 and HE is not a well oiled machine. But I didn't raise him. So, my spectacular version of parenting should have produced baby geniuses! lol :) I hope you can hear the sarcasm.
Suffice it to say, my children are intelligent but it had nothing to do with me.
God puts these little adults in our lives for an apprenticeship in life. A good teacher doesn't yell and get mad because someone hasn't mastered a skill yet. A good teacher doesn't make the student feel stupid or like a failure because they need more help, even if at the moment it's more help than you can offer.
It's like getting mad at the sky for being blue.
But now I have to ask myself, What is a fair expectation for myself?
I fail as a parent. Even after having 3 now, for some reason you think you should have it down, but they're all different and they all require something else from you. Maybe something you don't have in you. The more children you have the more difficult it is to treat them all like that little baby that you loved so dearly and would just hold for hours and cuddle... even if you want to, the hours in the day slip through your fingers and the newest baby requires you to live.
As a mother I feel like I live in a constant state of guilt and regret. Wanting to take that 7 year old in my arms and try to make him feel like I used to when he was the only child. Or to take that 4 year old and make her feel like she was ever the only child. It feels like such a rude awakening for the used to be baby to see the new baby take their spot.
I digress.
Grace. It's called grace. Grace for them and grace for myself. But mostly for them. I think we need to retrain ourselves to react with sympathy and love in the face of rebellion and confusion.
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