Loop

I am stuck 

In this mud

And I can't move my feet

On and on

Trauma bond 

Living life on repeat. 

I keep trying to pull myself off this track

No matter how far I run away

My brain keeps pulling me back

To the same place. 

I think I'm blocking it out

I don't even recognize the signs

Until the fog disappears 

And that's when I realize

I went around the loop again

Reliving the same place, 

the same feeling, 

the same memories 

but I don't remember Them 

Always wearing a different face

the same feeling

the same pain

going around the loop again. 

All these words 

All these hurts

Swimming around in my head

You deny 

And you lie

But the truth will be said. 

Quicksand, black hole, tornado

Sucking me in to the chaos.  

deceit, gaslighting, denial

How do I calculate the loss? 

I went around the loop again

Reliving the same place, 

the same feeling, 

the same memories 

but I don't remember Them 

Always wearing a different face

the same feeling

the same pain

going around the loop again. 

I don't remember the details

I just know I feel alone.  

I'm an adult being treated like a child

Who has no will of her own. 

And that takes me back...

I am stuck

In this mud

And I can't move my feet

Frozen still

Have no will

Living life on repeat.