You Got Yourself Into This Mess
I realized what character trait has been bothering me about certain people I used to confide in... it's this constant attitude of "you got yourself into this mess, so I have no sympathy". It is the most grace-less attitude you can possibly have towards any person. Literally the best attitude to have if you literally do not care about that person or their feelings or their situation at all. Almost like you want them to suffer. Because it would serve them right.
It's why there are people I've stopped talking to, stopped allowing into my life, because I know them from my many many experiences over the years and I know this is the attitude they have towards me. I cannot fix this view they have of me in their eyes because my life choices weren't ones they would of made. And because I made different choices (sometimes perhaps not the best one I could of made at the time) I deserve whatever life throws at me now.
No matter if the silver lining in my life is most of the time basic things that almost every single person takes for granted every single day of their life. Like life and a roof over their head and clothing so they aren't naked. No matter if I deal with a level of uncertainty in my life on a daily basis that they only have felt in their nightmares.
And I believe in God and I trust in Him. But I cannot not see the rising tides, or the storm clouds, or the ground disappearing beneath my feet.
What is it that Christians expect of each other? To be robots? Emotionless smiling robots? That only feel happiness all the time? That repeat the happy scripture verses verbatim and never talk about life in a realistic view point? Should I only just say how wonderful everything is and how faithful God is -- even if that isn't how I feel? Should I never admit that I feel afraid, or am unhappy, or stressed out, or that I don't know what to do? Should I raise my children with this false sense of self? That as humans that because we believe in God we are supposed to not actually live on this earth -- where it's faulty and things happen. Sometimes because it's directly related to something you did, or for no real apparent reason at all.
Even Job, who was faultless before God, sat and complained. A LOT. He was in the midst of tragedy and he sat down ripped his clothes and smeared ashes all over his body because he was in mourning. He was grieving and sad and felt something other than happiness and was not guilted or shamed into sitting there and acting like nothing just happened. That nothing was happening. If he had that would have given you the false sense that those children that died, that he and his wife lost (and likely grandchildren & good friends that had been servants for them for years) not to mention all his property that he'd spilled blood sweat and tears over didn't mean anything. Their value didn't exist. The worth of something in life is measured by the space it leaves behind when it is gone. If you do not feel loss, show loss, you must not have lost anything important to have made an impact on you.
My point. If you cannot muster up enough sincerity when someone is confiding in you the troubles they're going through, the inner most fears of their heart and pain they're feeling, then do them a favor and just tell them you don't know how to sympathize because you've never been in that situation before. Or grow up. You attitude is much more poisonous than the negativity they're currently feeling and trying to communicate to you.
It's why there are people I've stopped talking to, stopped allowing into my life, because I know them from my many many experiences over the years and I know this is the attitude they have towards me. I cannot fix this view they have of me in their eyes because my life choices weren't ones they would of made. And because I made different choices (sometimes perhaps not the best one I could of made at the time) I deserve whatever life throws at me now.
No matter if the silver lining in my life is most of the time basic things that almost every single person takes for granted every single day of their life. Like life and a roof over their head and clothing so they aren't naked. No matter if I deal with a level of uncertainty in my life on a daily basis that they only have felt in their nightmares.
And I believe in God and I trust in Him. But I cannot not see the rising tides, or the storm clouds, or the ground disappearing beneath my feet.
What is it that Christians expect of each other? To be robots? Emotionless smiling robots? That only feel happiness all the time? That repeat the happy scripture verses verbatim and never talk about life in a realistic view point? Should I only just say how wonderful everything is and how faithful God is -- even if that isn't how I feel? Should I never admit that I feel afraid, or am unhappy, or stressed out, or that I don't know what to do? Should I raise my children with this false sense of self? That as humans that because we believe in God we are supposed to not actually live on this earth -- where it's faulty and things happen. Sometimes because it's directly related to something you did, or for no real apparent reason at all.
Even Job, who was faultless before God, sat and complained. A LOT. He was in the midst of tragedy and he sat down ripped his clothes and smeared ashes all over his body because he was in mourning. He was grieving and sad and felt something other than happiness and was not guilted or shamed into sitting there and acting like nothing just happened. That nothing was happening. If he had that would have given you the false sense that those children that died, that he and his wife lost (and likely grandchildren & good friends that had been servants for them for years) not to mention all his property that he'd spilled blood sweat and tears over didn't mean anything. Their value didn't exist. The worth of something in life is measured by the space it leaves behind when it is gone. If you do not feel loss, show loss, you must not have lost anything important to have made an impact on you.
My point. If you cannot muster up enough sincerity when someone is confiding in you the troubles they're going through, the inner most fears of their heart and pain they're feeling, then do them a favor and just tell them you don't know how to sympathize because you've never been in that situation before. Or grow up. You attitude is much more poisonous than the negativity they're currently feeling and trying to communicate to you.
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