Iceberg
If there's one thing I know, it's that the moment you move forward from one challenge the next one will present itself. And sometimes you don't even get the pleasure of handling only one problem at a time, sometimes they pile themselves on.
And for those on the outside looking in, what you've been through is sometimes completely superfluous when you're talking to someone else who's going through a hard time. Because here's the truth, someone has always had it worse and it isn't a competition. And I doubt most people are telling you about the things that are overwhelming them for simple sympathy. They just want to know they aren't alone. They don't even necessarily want anyone to fix their problems for them, they just want to be told that how they feel is valid. And they also probably know that 9/10 their problems could have been avoided had they made better decisions previously. But hindsight is too late in the moment, they're great for the future looking back.
These people aren't the easy ones. Maybe they complain too much and you think ugh. But here's the problem with today's "pick people that build you up" message that's blasted everywhere, who is going to love the people going through hard times that just can't be that fun easy person that makes you feel good about yourself. At what point is it your turn to make someone else feel good instead of worrying about how good you feel all the time?
Also, you need to be honest with yourself. These people who you feel are full of negative energy I guarantee you are seeing only the tip of the iceberg of what they're actually going through. You hear about one problem, they're probably going through a life crisis and they're just trying to downsize the hurt and stress they're actually experiencing. Because most people know that nobody wants to hear it. But if nobody wants to hear it, if nobody wants to be there, if nobody wants to love you... isn't the message we're sending you're a waste of my time?
It isn't about fixing people. It isn't about having all the right answer. It's about witnessing humanity and being there when people need you the most. Answer the phone that one time they work up the courage to call you when they're broken. Write them a letter back when they take the time to open up to you. Answer that text message and let them know you hear them. Stop treating people as though your problems are everything and theirs mean nothing at all.
And for those on the outside looking in, what you've been through is sometimes completely superfluous when you're talking to someone else who's going through a hard time. Because here's the truth, someone has always had it worse and it isn't a competition. And I doubt most people are telling you about the things that are overwhelming them for simple sympathy. They just want to know they aren't alone. They don't even necessarily want anyone to fix their problems for them, they just want to be told that how they feel is valid. And they also probably know that 9/10 their problems could have been avoided had they made better decisions previously. But hindsight is too late in the moment, they're great for the future looking back.
These people aren't the easy ones. Maybe they complain too much and you think ugh. But here's the problem with today's "pick people that build you up" message that's blasted everywhere, who is going to love the people going through hard times that just can't be that fun easy person that makes you feel good about yourself. At what point is it your turn to make someone else feel good instead of worrying about how good you feel all the time?
Also, you need to be honest with yourself. These people who you feel are full of negative energy I guarantee you are seeing only the tip of the iceberg of what they're actually going through. You hear about one problem, they're probably going through a life crisis and they're just trying to downsize the hurt and stress they're actually experiencing. Because most people know that nobody wants to hear it. But if nobody wants to hear it, if nobody wants to be there, if nobody wants to love you... isn't the message we're sending you're a waste of my time?
It isn't about fixing people. It isn't about having all the right answer. It's about witnessing humanity and being there when people need you the most. Answer the phone that one time they work up the courage to call you when they're broken. Write them a letter back when they take the time to open up to you. Answer that text message and let them know you hear them. Stop treating people as though your problems are everything and theirs mean nothing at all.
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