How Can I Help?
When you feel weary...
That word pretty much embodies my state of being at the moment. I'm more than just tired. It's to the point where it just sucks the energy right out of you. You begin to imagine just laying in bed all day and not worrying about the problems.
The problems. I feel like I should give them a name -- at this point they could be alphabetical and categorized like tropical storms. Problem Aaron, category 5 -- financial mess after 2 months of unexpected unemployment. It leaves a pretty massive trail through our lives as it completely demolishes any good credit we had, totals our tiny savings, and efficiently dismantles any plans we had made for the year. The size of a problem that takes years to rebuild from the aftermath.
Sigh.
Breathe in.
And what makes these storms worse are when you look around for the "helpers", the ones that usually come to aid when there's a tragedy, and there's really none. You're surrounded by people, but left wondering where community went?
Community doesn't exist anymore. At least not in my life. I think it probably never did. I heard stories about it when I was a kid, I think I've watched people my whole life who have a clan, a community, a "people" if you will. And been envious because I never could quite figure out how to attach myself into one of them. I'm not a fish, I have no school. I don't even have a herd. As the meme goes, I probably have a few people who don't want me dead.
Tragedies are made so much worse when you're living through them alone. And maybe to outside eyes my problems don't look like tragedies, maybe they look like first world problems. But I more than anyone understands the fall sometimes looks harmless maybe even fun to some, it's the abrupt stop at the end that kills you.
You don't know how far someone is from that fall. You don't know how on the brink anyone is. Why not just err on the side of caution and extend grace? Why not just ask this very simple question,
"How can I help?"
Four simple words. And they would mean the world to me on any given day. And then I have to say, "Lord, clear my mind from this anxiety so that I can ask someone else that question". Because I would love to help someone else. I just can't even see through my problems right now. I don't know how.
That word pretty much embodies my state of being at the moment. I'm more than just tired. It's to the point where it just sucks the energy right out of you. You begin to imagine just laying in bed all day and not worrying about the problems.
The problems. I feel like I should give them a name -- at this point they could be alphabetical and categorized like tropical storms. Problem Aaron, category 5 -- financial mess after 2 months of unexpected unemployment. It leaves a pretty massive trail through our lives as it completely demolishes any good credit we had, totals our tiny savings, and efficiently dismantles any plans we had made for the year. The size of a problem that takes years to rebuild from the aftermath.
Sigh.
Breathe in.
And what makes these storms worse are when you look around for the "helpers", the ones that usually come to aid when there's a tragedy, and there's really none. You're surrounded by people, but left wondering where community went?
Community doesn't exist anymore. At least not in my life. I think it probably never did. I heard stories about it when I was a kid, I think I've watched people my whole life who have a clan, a community, a "people" if you will. And been envious because I never could quite figure out how to attach myself into one of them. I'm not a fish, I have no school. I don't even have a herd. As the meme goes, I probably have a few people who don't want me dead.
Tragedies are made so much worse when you're living through them alone. And maybe to outside eyes my problems don't look like tragedies, maybe they look like first world problems. But I more than anyone understands the fall sometimes looks harmless maybe even fun to some, it's the abrupt stop at the end that kills you.
You don't know how far someone is from that fall. You don't know how on the brink anyone is. Why not just err on the side of caution and extend grace? Why not just ask this very simple question,
"How can I help?"
Four simple words. And they would mean the world to me on any given day. And then I have to say, "Lord, clear my mind from this anxiety so that I can ask someone else that question". Because I would love to help someone else. I just can't even see through my problems right now. I don't know how.
Comments
You're still missed on dA from time to time, although I cannot say the community is still the same.