The Pregnant Masochist
I am so tired. So tired. SO tired.
I barely have to do anything and I'm smacked on my butt. I hate it. I'm one of those people who is always on the go, I love being outside, doing chores, cleaning, organizing, accomplishing. But so far in this pregnancy all I can do is lay. I accomplish and then I'm exhausted and so unbelievably grumpy that all I want to do is rip someone's hair out and cry.
I went garage sale'ing today and all I can say is the several times I got in and out of the car and the few hundred feet I actually walked was enough to exhaust me; Oh, and waking up at 7:45 am. Seriously!?
This SAHM business was supposed to be relaxing, but instead I'm stressing out because I don't have the stamina to actually do everything I want to. To even upkeep most of it. I have been doing a much better job of the few rooms that I did clean, making sure the kids keep it up. And, yes, I do realize it's my first real week...I'm allowed some time to relax after working ft for almost 4 years and I'm pregnant so that adds extra allowances. BUT I HATE IT. I feel lazy.
And I'm not lazy. I'm almost masochistic about keeping busy, accomplishing, lists and tasks, and organizing!
I've got full pinterest boards of projects I want, nay, need to accomplish {because I promised myself I would and I told myself I'm not chicken}. But let's face it, doing projects that can't involve your kids when you're with your kids all day long...not easy. Not easy to tell them they can't help paint the walls, or they can't help with power tools as I use a table saw. They want to be involved in everything and I would really love someone to do these things with, but a 6 year old and a 3 year old are not the partners for these jobs lol. If ya'know what I mean?
And it certainly doesn't help when your husband comes home and says to you "What have you been doing all day?" You take a moment to count to ten before you jump out of bed like a crazy monkey and rip his face off, but the want to never actually goes away. Then you have an hour long lecture at him how he has no idea what it's like to be pregnant and work full-time, or be pregnant and work at home with two kids, or be pregnant in general. And Damnit even if I did nothing at all ALL DAY LONG I still did enough. I'm growing a freaking human being and it is sucking the ever living life out of me on a never ending basis. It's not something I get to just "turn off" like a simulator. I'm pregnant 24/7 every single day until I am not anymore.
Know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of those videos where they make a man feel what child labor feels like. LABOR!? Labor isn't the hard part. If I could just have babies left and right just having the labor I would have NO qualms about having tons of kids! It's the NINE FREAKING MONTHS OF PREGNANCY that make you want to be in a coma...fast forward...try your best to distract yourself from how much time you have to be completely miserable inside your own skin while this alien being exhausts you, makes your boobs hurt, vagina hurt {thank you varicose veins}, not able to sleep so you're constantly sleep deprived, thirsty all the time, nauseous, ravenously hungry constantly but yet NOTHING sounds remotely edible, everything gives you a nasty aftertaste (most likely because you can't brush your tongue or you're hanging over a toilet throwing stomach acid up), or hanging over a toilet throwing stomach acid up because you're just trying to take your vitamins so you don't have all the calcium sucked out of your body and become an old woman with hollow bones!!!!, hormonal to the point of being insane, and none of your clothes fit you properly and you only look fat, not pregnant.
I know, I know, it'll all be worth it...in the end. That doesn't mean I can't let the world know when I'm miserable. I hate being tired. Being tired makes everything feel worse. It makes it feel like the world is coming to an end.... I feel a little like chicken little.
You know it's bad when your six year old says to you, "You're so dramatic". Thanks. Yes, yes I am.
I barely have to do anything and I'm smacked on my butt. I hate it. I'm one of those people who is always on the go, I love being outside, doing chores, cleaning, organizing, accomplishing. But so far in this pregnancy all I can do is lay. I accomplish and then I'm exhausted and so unbelievably grumpy that all I want to do is rip someone's hair out and cry.
I went garage sale'ing today and all I can say is the several times I got in and out of the car and the few hundred feet I actually walked was enough to exhaust me; Oh, and waking up at 7:45 am. Seriously!?
This SAHM business was supposed to be relaxing, but instead I'm stressing out because I don't have the stamina to actually do everything I want to. To even upkeep most of it. I have been doing a much better job of the few rooms that I did clean, making sure the kids keep it up. And, yes, I do realize it's my first real week...I'm allowed some time to relax after working ft for almost 4 years and I'm pregnant so that adds extra allowances. BUT I HATE IT. I feel lazy.
And I'm not lazy. I'm almost masochistic about keeping busy, accomplishing, lists and tasks, and organizing!
I've got full pinterest boards of projects I want, nay, need to accomplish {because I promised myself I would and I told myself I'm not chicken}. But let's face it, doing projects that can't involve your kids when you're with your kids all day long...not easy. Not easy to tell them they can't help paint the walls, or they can't help with power tools as I use a table saw. They want to be involved in everything and I would really love someone to do these things with, but a 6 year old and a 3 year old are not the partners for these jobs lol. If ya'know what I mean?
And it certainly doesn't help when your husband comes home and says to you "What have you been doing all day?" You take a moment to count to ten before you jump out of bed like a crazy monkey and rip his face off, but the want to never actually goes away. Then you have an hour long lecture at him how he has no idea what it's like to be pregnant and work full-time, or be pregnant and work at home with two kids, or be pregnant in general. And Damnit even if I did nothing at all ALL DAY LONG I still did enough. I'm growing a freaking human being and it is sucking the ever living life out of me on a never ending basis. It's not something I get to just "turn off" like a simulator. I'm pregnant 24/7 every single day until I am not anymore.
Know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of those videos where they make a man feel what child labor feels like. LABOR!? Labor isn't the hard part. If I could just have babies left and right just having the labor I would have NO qualms about having tons of kids! It's the NINE FREAKING MONTHS OF PREGNANCY that make you want to be in a coma...fast forward...try your best to distract yourself from how much time you have to be completely miserable inside your own skin while this alien being exhausts you, makes your boobs hurt, vagina hurt {thank you varicose veins}, not able to sleep so you're constantly sleep deprived, thirsty all the time, nauseous, ravenously hungry constantly but yet NOTHING sounds remotely edible, everything gives you a nasty aftertaste (most likely because you can't brush your tongue or you're hanging over a toilet throwing stomach acid up), or hanging over a toilet throwing stomach acid up because you're just trying to take your vitamins so you don't have all the calcium sucked out of your body and become an old woman with hollow bones!!!!, hormonal to the point of being insane, and none of your clothes fit you properly and you only look fat, not pregnant.
I know, I know, it'll all be worth it...in the end. That doesn't mean I can't let the world know when I'm miserable. I hate being tired. Being tired makes everything feel worse. It makes it feel like the world is coming to an end.... I feel a little like chicken little.
You know it's bad when your six year old says to you, "You're so dramatic". Thanks. Yes, yes I am.
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