The other 28

I like to come up with the title of my post at the very end, that way it feels inspired.

Today I'd like to talk to myself about a semi-recent development in my psyche. I'm over-weight. This is not a new development as anyone knows. I've always struggled with body weight and taking care of myself.

Well, not always. In fact, when I was 18 - 22 I worked out a lot. I worked out mostly because I was unhappy with my body image, I was skinny, fit, muscular, and kind of hot. In fact, for the first time I felt desirable. As a single 18 year old I had all the time in the world to dedicate to being thin, healthy, & fit. I ran, lifted weights, swam, etc. I am a naturally active person.

When I was young in Hawaii I could have cracked your neck between my thighs, for serious, because I was constantly on the go. I roller bladed or bike rode everywhere I needed to go. I didn't have a car and mostly didn't need one, I could walk anywhere I wanted to. The mall was only 20 minutes away, by walk. The pool was only 10 minutes away, by walk. The two places I spent the most time at.

I love being outdoors. Even as a child I was always outside. Even when I was sick, outside.

So, somebody telling me that working 40 + hours, having 2 children and a spouse who also works 45+ hours and goes to school {leaving me in charge of finances, cooking and/or grocery shopping, car maintenance, household duties of any kind including cleaning, maintenance, and organization} that it is just a bad excuse when I say I don't have the time to work out or eat healthier. 

O.K. in all fairness, I could probably squeeze a few more fruits or vegetables into my routine. BUT, and I emphasize the but, it does take more time out of your life to plan a healthy meal, cook it, and prepare all the CLEANED veggies and/or fruits. It's effort that some days I truly don't have to give. Plus, if it doesn't get eaten it's food in the trash because fresh fruits and vegetables don't last like they used to, they're rotten in less than a week anymore.

Let me be perfectly clear when I emphasize that I used to bring packed lunches exclusively, I hate fast food, but after now 4 years of working full time I can't muster another bite of sandwich into my mouth. I've run out of good fast ideas for lunches. Sometimes I bring leftovers, sometimes I don't have time to even eat breakfast.

I can understand how people without children might come to the conclusion that children are easy to raise and take care of. I would love to just ignore my kids and do whatever I please with my time, but they insist on meals, baths, attention, cleaning, etc.  There's also the extra 2+ loads of laundry a week, dishes, the enumerable messes that need cleaned {including the more than occasional mess that should of been in a toilet or diaper, but ended up on a piece of furniture, floor and/or clothing of some sort}. Children are a life all in themselves to take care of and I don't even get the pleasure of dedicating 50% of myself to them.

I feel privileged to have good hygiene, dye my roots, have clean clothes and keep my teeth brushed and my face cleaned. Those are pleasures of mine at this point in my life.

Yes, my health is important to me and I realize that I could very well easily be back to my goal weight of 140, which was what I weighted when I moved here {might I add}. I've been skinny. I've been fit. I've been healthy. I had time for it. I had the luxury of putting myself high up on the list. Right now in my life I don't have that luxury. And I don't appreciate getting a lecture from someone who's life is {AT LEAST} 50% less  complicated than mine is and really has no idea what it is to walk a day in my shoes.

At any point in time I am juggling at least 5 things in my head, possibly more. Here's a little window into my soul:
1, emails to 2 different organizations trying to get them to get together to give me my money back for a baseball game I never got to attend.
2, emails to hsa over the wiring under my house that is illegal.
3, emails to the construction worker who botched my install and melted the side of my house.
4, emails from my bank telling me I accidentally tried to pay my house payment from the wrong account which now results in a $35 fee, emails from my house lender telling me the payment was returned.
5, phone calls from my husband about benefit package we finally received and I need to go through them and fill them all out so we can be covered by insurance, etc.
6, grocery shopping list + budget + the extra $35 fee.
7, what time I have to wake up tomorrow and a running list of everything that needs to be done on my day off including: All of my work clothes, the house needs cleaned, the lawn needs mowed, my car needs detailed, Eric's car needs cleaned and posted an ad on craigslist.
8, oh yeah I got home just in time to witness the entire contents of Ryley's bean bag chair all over my children's room which then took over an hour to clean, vacuum and put back together. Plus Brennan spilled milk on her mattress so that needed changing. Plus, my husband needed a haircut. Plus, dinner needed cooked. Plus, the kitchen was dirty and I don't cook in a dirty kitchen.

This is just what I had on my mind today. So, please tell me in between all of that for today where I might be ad working out or a luxury run?

Stop. Listen. Understand your life's obstacles aren't mine, stop projecting your ideas onto someone else's life. They probably don't fit! And stop calling everything an "excuse", sometimes they're really just reasons.

As an adult you have to learn give and take. There's only so many hours in a day, there's only so much of a person to go around. This is my life right now, it is crazy! We're taking a lot on in hopes for a better future. So someday I will be able to put myself up on that list again, but right now I can't.

There is a small window that others allow you to see them through, a small confidence that you won't create an entire story from a tiny crack in the wall. Just because a person maybe over weight doesn't mean they've always been that way and they don't know how to be skinny. I'm 29, the other 28 years that you haven't known me count too.