Ass-umptions
I'm weary of this whole assuming thing that seems to be kind of a disease in relationships. This thing called assuming is a dangerous thing. You put your expectations, your thoughts, your illusions onto another person and call it "reality". It usually back fires, because simply you can't do it. It's impossible for you to know exactly what another person said, did, or feels/felt. It's unacceptable.
Facebook: people sometimes, like me, make vague comments or wall posts. I make them vague for a reason, because I want to get something off my chest without outing someone specifically. It's a way to vent without causing embarrassment to someone or everyone. The problem with being vague, however, is that people then take it upon themselves to make ass-umptions of what I was really speaking about. It's annoying. Unless I've talked to you, assume it isn't about you. I'm not the kind of person that's so passive aggressive that I would rather talk about you vaguely on Facebook than say it to your face {those vague comments are usually made about people who already know what I'm talking about, because I've said it to them}. I actually usually have no problems telling someone to their face I have a problem with them, if I don't, then don't assume I do.
The other problem with making assumptions, is taking one tiny comment made by someone and deciding that it is the entirety of their opinion.
The End.
Now to talk about what I like to call truly supporting a person. Relationships are crazy difficult, they're complicated and they involve two worlds intertwining, one world is intricate enough without trying to pull two together simultaneously and make them spin together. It causes messes. You usually at some point in time end up with hurt feelings because you make things about you, that aren't about you.
Also, relationships are "you and another person", not you and another person and another person and another person. You can't hold grudges for other people and have a successful relationship. That person is in a relationship with another person and that is between them, not you. They have to make decisions for themselves and since you're really not in that relationship it is impossible to judge it correctly. Or make a decision that is logical not emotional.
Emotions muck everything up. You get your feelings hurt and then everything from there is a foggy mud puddle.
To support a person doesn't mean you have to agree with the decisions they make in life, you're not their God. We are not righteous enough to decide what is right, what is true and what is OK by God {unless it's a direct disobedience to a law in the bible}, but it STILL isn't our place to judge them. Only to lovingly remind them of who they are and hope that they come to their senses with prayer. I can't love people truly if I'm constantly putting my expectations on them, it isn't fair for me to give them my love with conditions. I love you regardless of the bad decisions you make, regardless of how many times you've hurt me or your family {which in turn hurts me as well}, I love you because we are flesh and blood and God has given me a job on this earth to love in spite of the wrongs people have done.
You don't have to support a person's life choices, to support them. I don't know everything about you like God, I don't know your heart, I don't know your mind or the path He has chosen for you to give me the right to tell you what He is saying.
What I am trying to get across is right now there are people who are suffering and we always think our suffering is the worst, but can you imagine if it isn't? Is the rest of your life of having a relationship with someone you love less important than holding onto hurt feelings over what you have no control over?
I can't pretend I haven't felt that way, because I have. But at some point the switch flipped in my head that I'd rather have people, than grudges. I'd rather know that I loved them like I was supposed to, then I was "right" and alone.
Facebook: people sometimes, like me, make vague comments or wall posts. I make them vague for a reason, because I want to get something off my chest without outing someone specifically. It's a way to vent without causing embarrassment to someone or everyone. The problem with being vague, however, is that people then take it upon themselves to make ass-umptions of what I was really speaking about. It's annoying. Unless I've talked to you, assume it isn't about you. I'm not the kind of person that's so passive aggressive that I would rather talk about you vaguely on Facebook than say it to your face {those vague comments are usually made about people who already know what I'm talking about, because I've said it to them}. I actually usually have no problems telling someone to their face I have a problem with them, if I don't, then don't assume I do.
The other problem with making assumptions, is taking one tiny comment made by someone and deciding that it is the entirety of their opinion.
The End.
Now to talk about what I like to call truly supporting a person. Relationships are crazy difficult, they're complicated and they involve two worlds intertwining, one world is intricate enough without trying to pull two together simultaneously and make them spin together. It causes messes. You usually at some point in time end up with hurt feelings because you make things about you, that aren't about you.
Also, relationships are "you and another person", not you and another person and another person and another person. You can't hold grudges for other people and have a successful relationship. That person is in a relationship with another person and that is between them, not you. They have to make decisions for themselves and since you're really not in that relationship it is impossible to judge it correctly. Or make a decision that is logical not emotional.
Emotions muck everything up. You get your feelings hurt and then everything from there is a foggy mud puddle.
To support a person doesn't mean you have to agree with the decisions they make in life, you're not their God. We are not righteous enough to decide what is right, what is true and what is OK by God {unless it's a direct disobedience to a law in the bible}, but it STILL isn't our place to judge them. Only to lovingly remind them of who they are and hope that they come to their senses with prayer. I can't love people truly if I'm constantly putting my expectations on them, it isn't fair for me to give them my love with conditions. I love you regardless of the bad decisions you make, regardless of how many times you've hurt me or your family {which in turn hurts me as well}, I love you because we are flesh and blood and God has given me a job on this earth to love in spite of the wrongs people have done.
You don't have to support a person's life choices, to support them. I don't know everything about you like God, I don't know your heart, I don't know your mind or the path He has chosen for you to give me the right to tell you what He is saying.
What I am trying to get across is right now there are people who are suffering and we always think our suffering is the worst, but can you imagine if it isn't? Is the rest of your life of having a relationship with someone you love less important than holding onto hurt feelings over what you have no control over?
I can't pretend I haven't felt that way, because I have. But at some point the switch flipped in my head that I'd rather have people, than grudges. I'd rather know that I loved them like I was supposed to, then I was "right" and alone.
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