Waffles
My blogs are kind of like waffles. Each thought has to be in it's own square.
This waffle is about me losing my mind. I honestly am going to go out of my mind if I can't just stop... stop... whatever this is. I can't decide.
Can someone please explain to me why I have this never ending tugging for me to return to a place of bad memories, full of people that I can't even think of one that I actually like? Do I have an itching to just crawl into a den of wolverines and be knawed on til my bones are cleaned? No, and yet it seems a little more inviting than this place from my past. It feels like I am hungry for pain. Looking for a resolution where there is none, because what was can't be undone and I have a hard time seeing how it could be made better. It's happened. You can't, more importantly I, won't forget it.
Is it God? Or is it me wanting to prove to everyone that I am still standing. To prove how wrong they were about me (not that I've healed the sick or cured cancer, but I am strong and that's kind of important to me.) What is there to prove to them? That they didn't mean that much to me either.
I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm not sure how to solve this equasion. If I did go back no doubt I would be disappointed again because they are not a welcoming group, mostly I would probably go unnoticed or ignored and then I would get back into my car and be angry all over again for trying to forgive (the unforgiveable).
Why can't I just accept that I don't fit in anywhere and be ok with it? Why does it always have to sting so much to try to force myself to fit and always be disappointed when I feel like I don't have anything in common with anyone?
I think maybe it's because there was that small window there when I felt like I was one of them and I miss that feeling of belonging. I mean, I obviously wasn't, but I liked the feeling.
So why this urge to return to the Red Queen's Castle? All I'll hear is off with her head! Atleast, in my mind.
What does the bible say about forgiveness?
Luke 17:3 (Whole Chapter)
"Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it's personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' forgive him."
Galatians 6:1 (Whole Chapter)
[ Nothing but the Cross ] Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
I like that one...
This waffle is about me losing my mind. I honestly am going to go out of my mind if I can't just stop... stop... whatever this is. I can't decide.
Can someone please explain to me why I have this never ending tugging for me to return to a place of bad memories, full of people that I can't even think of one that I actually like? Do I have an itching to just crawl into a den of wolverines and be knawed on til my bones are cleaned? No, and yet it seems a little more inviting than this place from my past. It feels like I am hungry for pain. Looking for a resolution where there is none, because what was can't be undone and I have a hard time seeing how it could be made better. It's happened. You can't, more importantly I, won't forget it.
Is it God? Or is it me wanting to prove to everyone that I am still standing. To prove how wrong they were about me (not that I've healed the sick or cured cancer, but I am strong and that's kind of important to me.) What is there to prove to them? That they didn't mean that much to me either.
I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm not sure how to solve this equasion. If I did go back no doubt I would be disappointed again because they are not a welcoming group, mostly I would probably go unnoticed or ignored and then I would get back into my car and be angry all over again for trying to forgive (the unforgiveable).
Why can't I just accept that I don't fit in anywhere and be ok with it? Why does it always have to sting so much to try to force myself to fit and always be disappointed when I feel like I don't have anything in common with anyone?
I think maybe it's because there was that small window there when I felt like I was one of them and I miss that feeling of belonging. I mean, I obviously wasn't, but I liked the feeling.
So why this urge to return to the Red Queen's Castle? All I'll hear is off with her head! Atleast, in my mind.
What does the bible say about forgiveness?
Luke 17:3 (Whole Chapter)
"Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it's personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' forgive him."
Galatians 6:1 (Whole Chapter)
[ Nothing but the Cross ] Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
I like that one...
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