Re-train

I was determined with this child to have a good start on the schedule and sleep training. Making sure to set Baby B down before she was asleep in her bed so she'd fall asleep on her own and have her naps and bedtime be a routine. R was somewhat on a schedule, although I wasn't strict and I held him so much that he got used to sleeping next to someone when he slept (especially because of our crib predicament with him). So, determined. Yes. I was determined B would be "better". I had it just right. I had her trained. She had a schedule. And then I went back to work and other people were watching her and held her when she slept instead of putting her down in her own bed. So she very quickly became "untrained" which makes my life very difficult.

Not only do I have 40+ hours of work/commute, plus about 20 hours a week + of chores/errands, and now with B AND R doing whatever they feel like (not taking naps, or taking them at very inconvenient times or tag teaming it so I don't have any time slot empty) I have absolutely no time to myself. And it is wearing on my nerves.

Some days I want to scream. I can't get ANYTHING accomplished. My house is a pig sty and it makes me twitch. Some days I literally don't even have 15 minutes to sit down and enjoy a meal. Some days I don't GET a meal.

I love B and R very much and I enjoy every second I am with them, I envy people who get to stay with their kids whenever they want to and don't have to leave them for 8, 9 or 10 hours (some days maybe even 12). It sucks. And even worse because I am at work so much I don't have a set routine with them, so it makes the time I'm NOT at work so scattered (the time when I should be able to get my house in order and still have time left over to spend with my kids, key word: SHOULD).

I can't help thinking it would be even minorly more organized or scheduled, or whatever you want to call it; (sane?), if I had time.

Or maybe organized people are organized no matter what and I'm just being lazy... Sadder yet, I want to start working out but I couldn't even start to think of where I would find the time to do that. Especially working around other people's schedules. Plus, that's more time spent away from my kids.

ARGH. Life would just be a whole lot easier if I was independently wealthy.

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