love each other
I'm not sure what to title this post. I'm sure it will come to me.
I have forgotten what it feels like to feel deeply about something other than my children. They have kind of overwhelmed my senses. And on some level, they have balanced me. I was an uneasy sort, feeling deeply and getting lost in those feelings. Sometimes to feel would be a bit like being caught in a terrible storm. So.. now with my children I don't have that anymore. The closest I get to feeling overwhelmed is mili-second panic attacks when I imagine if I lost them or them me.
Tragedy isn't written in the stars, but from a very young age I felt almost unlucky. Like I was destined for greatness and that because of that I would have to pay large tolls. And that if I became too attached to something it would inevitably be taken away from me.
Becoming a mother has a way of making you fear the tiniest things that you didn't used to think about. Pain comes in many packages. Being a mother was like putting a telescope to my eyes. Suddenly the world wasn't just the world, there was a universe. I am a tiny fish. My children are tiny fish. And there are times when life feels like the predator, baracuda.
In my own strength I cannot protect my children. That thought scares me. But in the same light it gives me peace to know angels exist for them.
Oddly when I see myself as a mother I picture Mrs Darling from Peter Pan. And I picture Peter Pan as my children's guardian angel. (Only, a bit more powerful lol)
So, feeling. Maybe it's because I don't have time to be overwhelmed about if people like me. Maybe it's because I don't allow people to be close to me to care about if they like me. Maybe it's because I don't need them to like me. My love quota is pretty over-full.
I don't have to scrounge around anymore looking for acceptance from people who don't even want to know me.
That is the loveliest thing about children. They are interested in everything about you. Everything is why. How does it work? Why do you do the things you do? And if you're honest with them (not explicitly, but as honest as you can be with a 3 year old) they will see you for who you are, and love you as you are.
Because who you are is a truth. They learn you as they do simple daily tasks like brushing their teeth. No judgement. Just acceptance.
It's why they are closer to God. I want to save their innocence as long as possible.
Everything is possible when you're 3. And I hope they still feel that way when they're 33, or 83.
I try to live my moments with my children in the thought... if this was the last memory they had of me... is this the way I would want to end my sentence?
Keeps life in perspective, appreciating, not taking for granted even one minute of their childhood. When we're molding the adult, the self esteem, the way they love others by the way they see us love each other.
I have forgotten what it feels like to feel deeply about something other than my children. They have kind of overwhelmed my senses. And on some level, they have balanced me. I was an uneasy sort, feeling deeply and getting lost in those feelings. Sometimes to feel would be a bit like being caught in a terrible storm. So.. now with my children I don't have that anymore. The closest I get to feeling overwhelmed is mili-second panic attacks when I imagine if I lost them or them me.
Tragedy isn't written in the stars, but from a very young age I felt almost unlucky. Like I was destined for greatness and that because of that I would have to pay large tolls. And that if I became too attached to something it would inevitably be taken away from me.
Becoming a mother has a way of making you fear the tiniest things that you didn't used to think about. Pain comes in many packages. Being a mother was like putting a telescope to my eyes. Suddenly the world wasn't just the world, there was a universe. I am a tiny fish. My children are tiny fish. And there are times when life feels like the predator, baracuda.
In my own strength I cannot protect my children. That thought scares me. But in the same light it gives me peace to know angels exist for them.
Oddly when I see myself as a mother I picture Mrs Darling from Peter Pan. And I picture Peter Pan as my children's guardian angel. (Only, a bit more powerful lol)
So, feeling. Maybe it's because I don't have time to be overwhelmed about if people like me. Maybe it's because I don't allow people to be close to me to care about if they like me. Maybe it's because I don't need them to like me. My love quota is pretty over-full.
I don't have to scrounge around anymore looking for acceptance from people who don't even want to know me.
That is the loveliest thing about children. They are interested in everything about you. Everything is why. How does it work? Why do you do the things you do? And if you're honest with them (not explicitly, but as honest as you can be with a 3 year old) they will see you for who you are, and love you as you are.
Because who you are is a truth. They learn you as they do simple daily tasks like brushing their teeth. No judgement. Just acceptance.
It's why they are closer to God. I want to save their innocence as long as possible.
Everything is possible when you're 3. And I hope they still feel that way when they're 33, or 83.
I try to live my moments with my children in the thought... if this was the last memory they had of me... is this the way I would want to end my sentence?
Keeps life in perspective, appreciating, not taking for granted even one minute of their childhood. When we're molding the adult, the self esteem, the way they love others by the way they see us love each other.
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