Moving on, with or without you
I dislike when people try to judge situations from the outside. Life moves on, with or without you. Trying to make your situation "ideal" before you move on is the single most stupid mistake I see people making. Because before you know it, your situation maybe ideal but the opportunity to do the things you wanted to probably has passed you by or your options are extremely limited. Like making a family, for instance.
I dislike the opinion that you can't have children until you make alot of money, (Your definition of "afford" is far different from mine) is obserd. Or that you're only allowed one because you can't "afford" to have more than one because your financial situation is less than ideal in comparison to others. But if we stuck to "comparison" no one's situation would look ideal because somebody's situation is always appearing better, or worse.
No. We didn't start our marriage on a good foot. The first and second year of marriage sucked, but continues to suck less the less crappy situations we find ourselves in. We caused ourselves alot of pain and difficulty by rushing into certain aspects of our relationship, like having a family before we were ready for one. This caused alot of difficulty, unneeded stress and just over all devastation of our relationship for the first couple years. But the reality is that we did start a family, we handled it, maybe not as well as some would have, but we stuck together and made it work. It was messy, sometimes it still is (I mean, this is life), but regardless what other people think from the outside we are champions for having done what we have with the foundation we started with. And I'm proud of us for accomplishing what we have. And I'll be damned if I sit around and let some people stick their noses up at us moving forward in life without being in an "ideal" situation according to their standards.
Just because I can't "afford" a second child at your standards, doesn't mean anything to me. You live in an alternate reality! I would love for us to bring in a six figure salary one of these days and to our own house outright and be completely debt free, we're working on all of these things and one day we will succeed in them... but right now, these are not doable. Am I going to wait ten, fifteen years to have another baby because I don't have these things??? Hell no. My son is 3. If I wait another ten years to have another baby so that I can "afford" one in your eyes, there will be NO sense in me having anymore kids. Children are like pack animals, they thrive in groups, don't do so well on their own... I want a family, I want children that grow up together and are friends with each other, there to support one another in life. This will be impossible if my poor child grows up and is a teenage before he has a sibbling.
So, one tiny bad decision creates a course for this river to run in. I made my decision and I've settled with myself that because of that decision life will probably be harder, but it's still my life and it's going to be lived whether I participate in it or not.. and whether I continue to be a benefactor for the things I want in my life or not. The things that are most important to me are not whether I live in luxury. Whether I own expensive furniture or expensive vehicles, or eat out all the time at nice restaurants, or can afford to buy whatever knick knacks that suit my fancy. The things that are important to me is quality of life. Happiness. My child makes me happy, makes US happy. Our family makes US happy. So we are going to chase our bliss and have a family, maybe a big family. And whether you're comfortable with that or not, well, that just doesn't matter much to me. I don't expect alot of support from alot of people. I don't make my life decisions based on what other people think is best for me. :) I never have.
Call it my small rebellion to society.
I dislike the opinion that you can't have children until you make alot of money, (Your definition of "afford" is far different from mine) is obserd. Or that you're only allowed one because you can't "afford" to have more than one because your financial situation is less than ideal in comparison to others. But if we stuck to "comparison" no one's situation would look ideal because somebody's situation is always appearing better, or worse.
No. We didn't start our marriage on a good foot. The first and second year of marriage sucked, but continues to suck less the less crappy situations we find ourselves in. We caused ourselves alot of pain and difficulty by rushing into certain aspects of our relationship, like having a family before we were ready for one. This caused alot of difficulty, unneeded stress and just over all devastation of our relationship for the first couple years. But the reality is that we did start a family, we handled it, maybe not as well as some would have, but we stuck together and made it work. It was messy, sometimes it still is (I mean, this is life), but regardless what other people think from the outside we are champions for having done what we have with the foundation we started with. And I'm proud of us for accomplishing what we have. And I'll be damned if I sit around and let some people stick their noses up at us moving forward in life without being in an "ideal" situation according to their standards.
Just because I can't "afford" a second child at your standards, doesn't mean anything to me. You live in an alternate reality! I would love for us to bring in a six figure salary one of these days and to our own house outright and be completely debt free, we're working on all of these things and one day we will succeed in them... but right now, these are not doable. Am I going to wait ten, fifteen years to have another baby because I don't have these things??? Hell no. My son is 3. If I wait another ten years to have another baby so that I can "afford" one in your eyes, there will be NO sense in me having anymore kids. Children are like pack animals, they thrive in groups, don't do so well on their own... I want a family, I want children that grow up together and are friends with each other, there to support one another in life. This will be impossible if my poor child grows up and is a teenage before he has a sibbling.
So, one tiny bad decision creates a course for this river to run in. I made my decision and I've settled with myself that because of that decision life will probably be harder, but it's still my life and it's going to be lived whether I participate in it or not.. and whether I continue to be a benefactor for the things I want in my life or not. The things that are most important to me are not whether I live in luxury. Whether I own expensive furniture or expensive vehicles, or eat out all the time at nice restaurants, or can afford to buy whatever knick knacks that suit my fancy. The things that are important to me is quality of life. Happiness. My child makes me happy, makes US happy. Our family makes US happy. So we are going to chase our bliss and have a family, maybe a big family. And whether you're comfortable with that or not, well, that just doesn't matter much to me. I don't expect alot of support from alot of people. I don't make my life decisions based on what other people think is best for me. :) I never have.
Call it my small rebellion to society.
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