I'm day dreaming
I have a dream.
It involves having a house where I can see the sun when it's out and it fills my house with light. It gets tiring living in a house where your eyes have to adjust to the sun when you walk out the door. It is depressing. I don't know how anyone could live in a house this dark and it not effect their overall pleasantness. Then add to that the other various problems we face year round and having to rely on other people to help you fix things because you have no way of knowing how, first off; secondly, because you don't want to do it wrong and make the problem worse. I am not one of those people that like to have to rely on someone else. It puts you in a position to constantly be told you need to be grateful, like you're a child.
Well, I'm not a child. I am grateful, but how many times do you have to say it? Is it a monthly requirement? Daily? Should I make homemade cards that say "Thank you" and slip them under the door? I appreciate alot, what I do not appreciate is when people help you and then hold it over your head constantly. Like favors. Always expected to be paid back in some way, shape or form. Which is why I do not accept favors. I don't accept them from family, or friends. Like loans. That's like God written law #1, Thou shalt never loan money or borrow from family or friends. Huge no, no.
Or, the other thing that makes favors unbearable is because it's a kept score. It obviously wasn't done out of love when you constantly expect something in return, even if it is simply constantly being told how grateful they are. Not my definition of a gift, which is what it should be. That's the only way it's acceptable. Otherwise, it's a loan and we will go back to the #1 law.
When I give a gift I expect nothing in return. No thank you, no gift in return, no nothing. It's simply me showing that I care. No strings attached. I guess I just accept gifts the same way, thinking that I don't have to go around showering my gratitude on people or putting up with all kinds of crap from them because they did something for me.
There's alot of things I can handle with a smile, being made to feel like a burden is not one of them. That is one I will not take sitting down. I work hard. I work harder than I want to for the dream of complete financial independence (completely debt free, etc.) one day. I work harder than I should have to for the dream, for the goal, for the plans that I've made for our family. It's a sacrifice I make, losing time with my son, to make that extra money each paycheck to put towards bills so that we will have less of them and more of that independence I was talking about earlier.
This may have been financially free for the past 3 years, but emotionally it has cost me alot. Everytime I have to hear the guilt speech, everytime I have to hear those same comments about being ungrateful and selfish, everytime I have to get a nasty letter saying all the things you've done for me, all that crap rubbed in my face and I'm supposed to be cheerful 24/7. Like nothing in life is supposed to get me down, make me upset, cause me to have to vent, cry, yell, or ask for something as simple as let me talk my problems out.
Your problems in life do not disappear because you pray for them to. I don't care who tells me that I will still argue with you about it. God gives you common sense and other tools to be successful in life, he never said life would ever be easy and that you wouldn't have those mountains somedays that you feel you can't climb... and sometimes you DO feel overwhelmed, that's supposed to be what friends and family is for. Supposed to be.
But, I'm day dreaming.
It involves having a house where I can see the sun when it's out and it fills my house with light. It gets tiring living in a house where your eyes have to adjust to the sun when you walk out the door. It is depressing. I don't know how anyone could live in a house this dark and it not effect their overall pleasantness. Then add to that the other various problems we face year round and having to rely on other people to help you fix things because you have no way of knowing how, first off; secondly, because you don't want to do it wrong and make the problem worse. I am not one of those people that like to have to rely on someone else. It puts you in a position to constantly be told you need to be grateful, like you're a child.
Well, I'm not a child. I am grateful, but how many times do you have to say it? Is it a monthly requirement? Daily? Should I make homemade cards that say "Thank you" and slip them under the door? I appreciate alot, what I do not appreciate is when people help you and then hold it over your head constantly. Like favors. Always expected to be paid back in some way, shape or form. Which is why I do not accept favors. I don't accept them from family, or friends. Like loans. That's like God written law #1, Thou shalt never loan money or borrow from family or friends. Huge no, no.
Or, the other thing that makes favors unbearable is because it's a kept score. It obviously wasn't done out of love when you constantly expect something in return, even if it is simply constantly being told how grateful they are. Not my definition of a gift, which is what it should be. That's the only way it's acceptable. Otherwise, it's a loan and we will go back to the #1 law.
When I give a gift I expect nothing in return. No thank you, no gift in return, no nothing. It's simply me showing that I care. No strings attached. I guess I just accept gifts the same way, thinking that I don't have to go around showering my gratitude on people or putting up with all kinds of crap from them because they did something for me.
There's alot of things I can handle with a smile, being made to feel like a burden is not one of them. That is one I will not take sitting down. I work hard. I work harder than I want to for the dream of complete financial independence (completely debt free, etc.) one day. I work harder than I should have to for the dream, for the goal, for the plans that I've made for our family. It's a sacrifice I make, losing time with my son, to make that extra money each paycheck to put towards bills so that we will have less of them and more of that independence I was talking about earlier.
This may have been financially free for the past 3 years, but emotionally it has cost me alot. Everytime I have to hear the guilt speech, everytime I have to hear those same comments about being ungrateful and selfish, everytime I have to get a nasty letter saying all the things you've done for me, all that crap rubbed in my face and I'm supposed to be cheerful 24/7. Like nothing in life is supposed to get me down, make me upset, cause me to have to vent, cry, yell, or ask for something as simple as let me talk my problems out.
Your problems in life do not disappear because you pray for them to. I don't care who tells me that I will still argue with you about it. God gives you common sense and other tools to be successful in life, he never said life would ever be easy and that you wouldn't have those mountains somedays that you feel you can't climb... and sometimes you DO feel overwhelmed, that's supposed to be what friends and family is for. Supposed to be.
But, I'm day dreaming.
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