Here is your change

Everyone changes naturally. Like stone slowly smoothed in the current of water over time, we become a little less and a little more. This is a natural process in life. I would go so far as to call it evolving. Sometimes people evolve backwards, not necessarily making progress, but regressing from whatever current is causing the change.

Sometimes I've seen changes happen rapidly, after a flood when all the sediment is rushed around like a tornado. I guess emotions have a way of making their own fossils.

I know rapid changes have happened in me before. Which sometimes the change is so rapid that even I have to take time to adjust to the changes in myself, they're confusing and most of the time you don't really understand why the way you feel has changed so profusely.

And, believe me, it can take years to analyze this change. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a deep scientific study, with only theories to keep me warm at night.

I have changed, but not to please anyone. Most of my change has happened simultaneously. Or as a reaction. Some of these have felt like plastic surgery. Like somebody took a chisel to my bone and reformed me out of pain.

But what change really comes about without pain? Pain of what could be, pain of what is, or pain of what was. I know the pain of motherhood has changed me in a massive way, because of all three of those. It's conflicting, but it is one of the few changes in life that I would definitely say was a positive outcome for me.

So, not all pain is bad pain.