A Vague Personality
I was thinking long and hard last night. Thinking how annoying it is when you're judged based on such little information. All I wanted my whole life was for somebody to want to know me. Oddly enough this made me hide. I guess my thoughts were if someone cared enough they would come to find me. This does not work. People just move on and find somebody who is "easier". Makes me think of a loved Sarah McLachlan song, "Everybody loves you when you're easy
everybody hates when you're a bore
everyone is waiting for your entrance so
don't disappoint them" -Black and White So, I wrote all my feelings into books and never let anyone read them. I wrote songs that were so vague and universal so that you couldn't see what I was really saying or who I was speaking of. And in all of this hiding, I think I hid from myself because I made decisions that later I see couldn't of been even close to making me happy.
Ok, so I admit I brought out the old diaries and was reading them. I wanted to remember who I was. Well, who I was...was really lonely. Although my life was full it was full of people who took and was missing people who gave back. No wonder I ended up so angry. Angry and hating people.
But at this point in my life, right now. The person I am is because of where I've been. So when you wonder to yourself why I'm not chatty, or care-free, why I don't make conversation easily or why I may seem closed off or frigid. It's because I'm tired. You don't know me or my battles. Or my wounds. You haven't walked a mile in my shoes. I'm not allowed to have friends, because the things I need someone to talk to about are things I can't share. And they're things I currently struggle with, obviously, or they wouldn't be affecting anything.
So, instead of talking about me to other people, maybe you could just have a little grace and realize people are not always what you want them to be, or need them to be. Maybe I am a difficult person, but I'm ok with that. It weeds out the unwanted that are just around when it's fun to be and bail when the rain starts falling. Or the fakes that say what you want to hear, because they really just want a bitching partner (someone to gossip with) and aren't really interested in a real friendship.
Ok, if you're wondering. The purpose of a personal blog is to vent, in my eyes. lol What is appropriate for public sight. And usually my blog is about my thoughts, or experiences, or opinions or whatever. So when it says, It's not always about Julie. It really means, it's all about Julie. lol J/K.
Mostly because it's just not nice to talk about others. ;)
everybody hates when you're a bore
everyone is waiting for your entrance so
don't disappoint them" -Black and White So, I wrote all my feelings into books and never let anyone read them. I wrote songs that were so vague and universal so that you couldn't see what I was really saying or who I was speaking of. And in all of this hiding, I think I hid from myself because I made decisions that later I see couldn't of been even close to making me happy.
Ok, so I admit I brought out the old diaries and was reading them. I wanted to remember who I was. Well, who I was...was really lonely. Although my life was full it was full of people who took and was missing people who gave back. No wonder I ended up so angry. Angry and hating people.
But at this point in my life, right now. The person I am is because of where I've been. So when you wonder to yourself why I'm not chatty, or care-free, why I don't make conversation easily or why I may seem closed off or frigid. It's because I'm tired. You don't know me or my battles. Or my wounds. You haven't walked a mile in my shoes. I'm not allowed to have friends, because the things I need someone to talk to about are things I can't share. And they're things I currently struggle with, obviously, or they wouldn't be affecting anything.
So, instead of talking about me to other people, maybe you could just have a little grace and realize people are not always what you want them to be, or need them to be. Maybe I am a difficult person, but I'm ok with that. It weeds out the unwanted that are just around when it's fun to be and bail when the rain starts falling. Or the fakes that say what you want to hear, because they really just want a bitching partner (someone to gossip with) and aren't really interested in a real friendship.
Ok, if you're wondering. The purpose of a personal blog is to vent, in my eyes. lol What is appropriate for public sight. And usually my blog is about my thoughts, or experiences, or opinions or whatever. So when it says, It's not always about Julie. It really means, it's all about Julie. lol J/K.
Mostly because it's just not nice to talk about others. ;)
Comments