Let's Be Candid.
I am in such a bad mood right now it's just ridiculous. I feel like punching a punching bag. Lately I haven't been in the greatest of moods. It may be swings, or it may be that my bullshit tolerance has just reached it's capacity. I'm not sure, it actually could be both.
I usually have the patience of Job in all matters ridiculous. I try to see both sides of things. I try to keep unpopular opinions in my head, silent, where they can't offend people. I try to just smile and turn the other cheek. I try to pretend that things didn't matter to me, when they really did. In all fairness, I'm pretty damn good at it 99.9% of the time. I put up with alot of bull from everyone. So, if this is me reaching my capacity and I need to just let the cap blow, then so be it. But if it's hormones, hopefully it'll just even out and I can get back to not being angry and depressed and just over all in a crappy mood.
But if I think what happened actually happened... I can't even begin to explain to you the kind of phone conversation I'm going to have to have tomorrow. Because this is not going to be let go. Not by me atleast. There's only so many things I can take and this is one thing that I cannot take.
I know that everyone gossips. I'm not childish enough to believe that not one little tidbit is going to slip from everyone's mouth at one point or another, but EVERYONE has a censor on their brain that tells them what is ok to talk about with other people and when you should just shut your mouth. Some people just apparently don't listen to that message, they just over ride and keep on talking. Now granted, I know I have every now and then crossed the line into things I shouldn't have and I've regretted it and tried to keep on the path of "uplifting" talk when I speak of others. (This doesn't always work, no, I know I'm not perfect).
But there's a reason why certain conversation is kept private. There's a reason why I keep certain piece of information to myself, about others and about myself. It's because I know no one is THAT trustworthy! It's because I know when to draw the line. There's also a reason why when someone tells me something and it's between us, it stays there. Because it's respecting another person's privacy. It is really all about respect. Do you respect a person enough to respect their privacy???
I do, because I expect that kind of respect to be given to me. And it definitely hasn't been. I've been disrespected alot in my lifetime and I think that is the element that pisses me off the most in any bad situation. Because I try my best to earn respect. I work hard. I try to be a good person. I try to do my best in everything. I never claim to be perfection, but you can certainly know that I'm always trying to better myself in some way when I know my weaknesses.
Like my mouth. For instance. I can be really cruel. I can be really really mean. I'm quick witted and my tongue is sharp. I can wound people really easily. So I try to keep my mouth shut when I'm angry, because it is my first instinct. My first instinct is to destroy their self esteem. I've done it more than once in my lifetime. Words always hurt. And I was good at it. So I have worked very hard to make sure that I keep my mouth shut when I'm angry so that I keep damage to a minimal. Once words are said, you can't take them back.
And believe me... on a different thought.... there are moments when I am so thankful that I learned my lesson on not needing people to approve of me! Man were those years terrible and depressing and just dark. Because people never approve, you know. You can work your fingers to the bone and they'll still have criticisms. I don't make my decisions based on what others think is best for me or my family. I don't make my life decisions based on what others think I should be or do. That's not me, never has been and never will be. I have reasons for the way I am and the way I do things. I've learned my lessons my own ways.
I can sniff a bullshitter a mile away, also. I know who I can and cannot trust. Which is why I keep personal information to a minimal with people. I'm a pretty good judge of character. Observing does alot for that skill, believe me. Simple deduction. Some people have character of sterling quality and some people's character is like dirty water. It's how they talk about others, what their main conversations consists of, how they react in bad situations, and their general life decisions.
I'm off base. It's 2:34 am and I don't want to sleep because I am so sick of the same old stale coffee. (Metaphor). I feel like I'm becoming stale the longer I sit in a dead end job that does not fulfill me. It's like a job that any boob can do. None of my strengths are really used. I cannot control anything, I can't change anything. My environment is what it is and lately I feel like it's sucking the life out of me. (It could be my hormones are out of whack to top it off). It isn't that I don't like my job or that I don't like the people I work with, it's that I know I have so much more to give. There is something out there that I would just be spectacular at. I could thrive in. I wouldn't have to feel like I have to make some district manager like me that obviously has no clue who I am, what my work ethic is, or the first thing really...but yet has an opinion about me.... I hate politics. And I'm up to my neck in them. Make someone believe that you can do the job the way they want it done. Maybe I can't? I've seen the kind of employees she thinks are excellent and I am definitely not like them...
But let's be candid. Can I be honest with you? I think you make alot of stupid mistakes, stupid childish mistakes. I think you're irresponsible and blame everyone else for your problems. You make excuses for why life is picking on you even though you could change your situation with a few easy solutions. I try to give you good advice, but you always come up with a million reasons why it won't work for you. I'm tired of your complaining! I'm tired of trying to help you and watching you only sabotaging your success with a smile. If you're not willing to do the hard work, make the changes you need to make, or take some damn good advice once in a while then shut up. And wallow in your self pity quietly.
I usually have the patience of Job in all matters ridiculous. I try to see both sides of things. I try to keep unpopular opinions in my head, silent, where they can't offend people. I try to just smile and turn the other cheek. I try to pretend that things didn't matter to me, when they really did. In all fairness, I'm pretty damn good at it 99.9% of the time. I put up with alot of bull from everyone. So, if this is me reaching my capacity and I need to just let the cap blow, then so be it. But if it's hormones, hopefully it'll just even out and I can get back to not being angry and depressed and just over all in a crappy mood.
But if I think what happened actually happened... I can't even begin to explain to you the kind of phone conversation I'm going to have to have tomorrow. Because this is not going to be let go. Not by me atleast. There's only so many things I can take and this is one thing that I cannot take.
I know that everyone gossips. I'm not childish enough to believe that not one little tidbit is going to slip from everyone's mouth at one point or another, but EVERYONE has a censor on their brain that tells them what is ok to talk about with other people and when you should just shut your mouth. Some people just apparently don't listen to that message, they just over ride and keep on talking. Now granted, I know I have every now and then crossed the line into things I shouldn't have and I've regretted it and tried to keep on the path of "uplifting" talk when I speak of others. (This doesn't always work, no, I know I'm not perfect).
But there's a reason why certain conversation is kept private. There's a reason why I keep certain piece of information to myself, about others and about myself. It's because I know no one is THAT trustworthy! It's because I know when to draw the line. There's also a reason why when someone tells me something and it's between us, it stays there. Because it's respecting another person's privacy. It is really all about respect. Do you respect a person enough to respect their privacy???
I do, because I expect that kind of respect to be given to me. And it definitely hasn't been. I've been disrespected alot in my lifetime and I think that is the element that pisses me off the most in any bad situation. Because I try my best to earn respect. I work hard. I try to be a good person. I try to do my best in everything. I never claim to be perfection, but you can certainly know that I'm always trying to better myself in some way when I know my weaknesses.
Like my mouth. For instance. I can be really cruel. I can be really really mean. I'm quick witted and my tongue is sharp. I can wound people really easily. So I try to keep my mouth shut when I'm angry, because it is my first instinct. My first instinct is to destroy their self esteem. I've done it more than once in my lifetime. Words always hurt. And I was good at it. So I have worked very hard to make sure that I keep my mouth shut when I'm angry so that I keep damage to a minimal. Once words are said, you can't take them back.
And believe me... on a different thought.... there are moments when I am so thankful that I learned my lesson on not needing people to approve of me! Man were those years terrible and depressing and just dark. Because people never approve, you know. You can work your fingers to the bone and they'll still have criticisms. I don't make my decisions based on what others think is best for me or my family. I don't make my life decisions based on what others think I should be or do. That's not me, never has been and never will be. I have reasons for the way I am and the way I do things. I've learned my lessons my own ways.
I can sniff a bullshitter a mile away, also. I know who I can and cannot trust. Which is why I keep personal information to a minimal with people. I'm a pretty good judge of character. Observing does alot for that skill, believe me. Simple deduction. Some people have character of sterling quality and some people's character is like dirty water. It's how they talk about others, what their main conversations consists of, how they react in bad situations, and their general life decisions.
I'm off base. It's 2:34 am and I don't want to sleep because I am so sick of the same old stale coffee. (Metaphor). I feel like I'm becoming stale the longer I sit in a dead end job that does not fulfill me. It's like a job that any boob can do. None of my strengths are really used. I cannot control anything, I can't change anything. My environment is what it is and lately I feel like it's sucking the life out of me. (It could be my hormones are out of whack to top it off). It isn't that I don't like my job or that I don't like the people I work with, it's that I know I have so much more to give. There is something out there that I would just be spectacular at. I could thrive in. I wouldn't have to feel like I have to make some district manager like me that obviously has no clue who I am, what my work ethic is, or the first thing really...but yet has an opinion about me.... I hate politics. And I'm up to my neck in them. Make someone believe that you can do the job the way they want it done. Maybe I can't? I've seen the kind of employees she thinks are excellent and I am definitely not like them...
But let's be candid. Can I be honest with you? I think you make alot of stupid mistakes, stupid childish mistakes. I think you're irresponsible and blame everyone else for your problems. You make excuses for why life is picking on you even though you could change your situation with a few easy solutions. I try to give you good advice, but you always come up with a million reasons why it won't work for you. I'm tired of your complaining! I'm tired of trying to help you and watching you only sabotaging your success with a smile. If you're not willing to do the hard work, make the changes you need to make, or take some damn good advice once in a while then shut up. And wallow in your self pity quietly.
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