Like a Rat
Have you ever felt cornered? Like everything was so out of your control that you were like a rat being cornered in a cage? And what do rats cornered usually do? (I have personal experience on this matter), They bite. They bite as hard and as many times as they can get in, because it's their reaction to being cornered. Of course we are not rats, but it's the same in theory. And like a rat that bites, I can bite too. I also scratch and they're sort of, in theory again, like cat scratches. Tiny, but they do alot of damage. I always likened myself to a tiger. When Tiger's are angry, you leave them alone, you let them go to their lair and let them be. You don't follow them and harass them that's a good way to get bitten! Defenses are defenses. All my life people have misunderstood me. I am who I am. I won't make excuses for myself. There are just days that I'm better left alone. But rarely get that respect. And so I find myself trying to get away before I do alot of damage and just trying to gain my sanity back. Quiet, where I can think.
I get those days when it seems like all the bad issues I have floating around at any given moment all decide to land and suck my blood at the same time. Like pesky mosquitos, only worse.
And then I feel cornered, although until now I haven't really thought of it that way. And I feel helpless. And I don't like feeling helpless. In fact it makes me very upset.
There is so much in life that is completely out of your hands and you're just left to "deal" with it and I hate that (as I'm sure everyone does). So many uncontrollables. It can make life seem like a vehicle without a driver.
I'm glad these days don't come often. I think I go a little insane on days like this. I try to just let stuff happen and not over react, but it is not in my nature to be void of all emotion. I do have emotions even if I don't usually let them get the best of me.
Or rather they do get the best of me, they just don't get "out" very often.
I need a vacation.
A vacation from life as we know it lol.
I like to imagine a secluded beach with white sand and clear water and palm trees and warmmmmmm sand between my toes. And in this imagination of mine, I also have a nice body and look great in a bathing suit! lol And all the noise there is, is laughter of children, the waves breaking on the shore and make an occasional bird. And of course to complete this picture you'd have to have great food and sand castle building. ;)
I get those days when it seems like all the bad issues I have floating around at any given moment all decide to land and suck my blood at the same time. Like pesky mosquitos, only worse.
And then I feel cornered, although until now I haven't really thought of it that way. And I feel helpless. And I don't like feeling helpless. In fact it makes me very upset.
There is so much in life that is completely out of your hands and you're just left to "deal" with it and I hate that (as I'm sure everyone does). So many uncontrollables. It can make life seem like a vehicle without a driver.
I'm glad these days don't come often. I think I go a little insane on days like this. I try to just let stuff happen and not over react, but it is not in my nature to be void of all emotion. I do have emotions even if I don't usually let them get the best of me.
Or rather they do get the best of me, they just don't get "out" very often.
I need a vacation.
A vacation from life as we know it lol.
I like to imagine a secluded beach with white sand and clear water and palm trees and warmmmmmm sand between my toes. And in this imagination of mine, I also have a nice body and look great in a bathing suit! lol And all the noise there is, is laughter of children, the waves breaking on the shore and make an occasional bird. And of course to complete this picture you'd have to have great food and sand castle building. ;)
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