Sad sack
Tired. And I don't know that it is particularly the lack of sleep. Although I'm very sure that it doesn't help lol.
Sadness does take a toll on the body. What's sad in itself is that I too often let myself feel tore up about such minor things and then when it's alright for me to feel sad, normal even, I feel guilty. :) One of the disfunctions of being me.
I think I have found a little bit of a better me. I was atleast able to sit and chat with some of Eric's family today at his family reunion. Maybe it's because it's been like 3 years? lol And maybe it's because I've seen what it looks like to "act" like me and I saw that it looked really immature. How can you be unhappy with people who don't seem friendly if you're not willing to take the opportunities that come your way? You can't talk about others if you're not any better, can you? So I decided to give a little effort and I actually enjoyed myself? This might not happen everytime, but I'm glad it happened this time. :)
And I have felt alone as of late, not because of the lack of company. I guess emotions can make you feel secluded even in the midst of a multitude of loved ones. It's a human thing.
You know another odd thing I've been thinking about lately... is how unfulfilled dreams can definitely leave a hole. Then again, ignoring yourself can make you have a hole too. Which is why I'm trying to open up my ears and listen to myself again. It's these "detailed" dreams that kind of end up being a catch 22 because when you don't get the dream when you want it or how you want it, you feel like you'll never get it. Impatience is a curse. God knows your desires and He is considering all when He makes his judgements, it isn't always how you predict it will be..and that is a blessing that sometimes appears like a curse.
I will take this open opportunity to enjoy my life a little bit more in a different way than I expected to this year.
Sadness does take a toll on the body. What's sad in itself is that I too often let myself feel tore up about such minor things and then when it's alright for me to feel sad, normal even, I feel guilty. :) One of the disfunctions of being me.
I think I have found a little bit of a better me. I was atleast able to sit and chat with some of Eric's family today at his family reunion. Maybe it's because it's been like 3 years? lol And maybe it's because I've seen what it looks like to "act" like me and I saw that it looked really immature. How can you be unhappy with people who don't seem friendly if you're not willing to take the opportunities that come your way? You can't talk about others if you're not any better, can you? So I decided to give a little effort and I actually enjoyed myself? This might not happen everytime, but I'm glad it happened this time. :)
And I have felt alone as of late, not because of the lack of company. I guess emotions can make you feel secluded even in the midst of a multitude of loved ones. It's a human thing.
You know another odd thing I've been thinking about lately... is how unfulfilled dreams can definitely leave a hole. Then again, ignoring yourself can make you have a hole too. Which is why I'm trying to open up my ears and listen to myself again. It's these "detailed" dreams that kind of end up being a catch 22 because when you don't get the dream when you want it or how you want it, you feel like you'll never get it. Impatience is a curse. God knows your desires and He is considering all when He makes his judgements, it isn't always how you predict it will be..and that is a blessing that sometimes appears like a curse.
I will take this open opportunity to enjoy my life a little bit more in a different way than I expected to this year.
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