Lost
So, found out yesterday I lost the baby. Which wasn't a huge surprise for me because I've been thinking this entire pregnancy that my luck was going to run out, you can't have an entire family of women that have had miscarriages and be the only one that goes without one. I knew my time was coming because this pregnancy has been way too easy, I knew nothing could come that easily...for me.
It's just a little difficult as to how last week there was a baby and it had a heartbeat and then it's gone. I know, I know. There is a perfect explanation and it's because there was obviously something wrong with it and my body knew it, so it is cleaning up. It's doing me a favor, I understand this and I can empathize with nature. I'm glad it happened this way rather than later on. You know, after you connect with it.
I might seem a little weird compared to most women that lose babies. I had my cry yesterday, but saturday night was actually when I kind of grieved over it because I knew it was happening. And I think for the most party I'm done grieving. I'm ok with it. Like I said, I understand nature and I'm ok with it now. Yeah it stinks, mostly because when November rolls around I won't be holding a new baby and I still have yet to actually "have" the miscarriage. Which brings me to another point...
I wish you could just press a button and flush it. Insensitive? I suppose. Because, like I said, for most women losing a baby is this heart wrenching ordeal that takes them forever to (and sometimes maybe never...) get over.
I'm the type of person that doesn't get very attached until it's in my arms. So I might seem insensitive to people. To be able to have a cry and be over it.
It's just a little difficult as to how last week there was a baby and it had a heartbeat and then it's gone. I know, I know. There is a perfect explanation and it's because there was obviously something wrong with it and my body knew it, so it is cleaning up. It's doing me a favor, I understand this and I can empathize with nature. I'm glad it happened this way rather than later on. You know, after you connect with it.
I might seem a little weird compared to most women that lose babies. I had my cry yesterday, but saturday night was actually when I kind of grieved over it because I knew it was happening. And I think for the most party I'm done grieving. I'm ok with it. Like I said, I understand nature and I'm ok with it now. Yeah it stinks, mostly because when November rolls around I won't be holding a new baby and I still have yet to actually "have" the miscarriage. Which brings me to another point...
I wish you could just press a button and flush it. Insensitive? I suppose. Because, like I said, for most women losing a baby is this heart wrenching ordeal that takes them forever to (and sometimes maybe never...) get over.
I'm the type of person that doesn't get very attached until it's in my arms. So I might seem insensitive to people. To be able to have a cry and be over it.
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