The other life
Maybe I'm just a little bored and lonely, probably. I used to be such a different person before I became a mommy and I miss it. I kinda feel like I lost myself! The working out, the hanging out with friends, the performing music, writing music, playing piano. And since getting married and having Ryley all I do is clean, cook, do the finances, work, repeat. It's boring! Not the life I had intended to lead lol.
Recently I found an old friend that I hadn't talked to in about 5 years. It's wonderful to reminisce. There aren't many people I have in my life now that I had in my life before all these life changes. A person who remembers me the way I really am! Its nice to be able to talk and be myself, it's been such a long time. Pretty sad when you forget how to really have a good laugh and feel good about yourself.
Old friends are just as important as new ones and I have so few of them left from the younger me. It's nice to have people that know you, too. Being an adult is so fickle, maybe it's just me, but it's hard to find people that you can really have conversations with about real life issues, beliefs, problems etc. Everyone is so closed up or afraid of offending somebody. I know alot of it is because you're busy and when you have a family that's a priority, but it kind of sucks if you didn't have those relationships before hand and now it seems you won't ever get any.
Adult friendships are very very hard to come by, again, maybe it's just me? Or maybe I was spoiled in my younger years to have so many really close relationships and now the friends I have are just kind here or there, but not the same as I remember. Not the same depth. Mostly because I got so sick of getting close to people only to have the whole thing blow up in my face, makes a person want to close off from the world, you know?
Another thing about being an adult that I didn't think about when I was younger was the issue of learning to shut your mouth and in essence not be honest with people. I guess I took the "don't lie" thing a little weirder than most and kind of interpreted it to mean "always say what you're thinking", haha. Two very different things so it's probably a good thing life installed a filter between my brain and my mouth!
But all the same I miss childhood. I miss that innocence of not knowing the darker side of life and of people, believing that people were generally good and were looking out for one another.
I know I'm not the most popular person and I'm sure alot of that has to do with the things I say, my beliefs and positions politically as well as morally, and I'd like to think that it doesn't bother me even though I know it does. I don't usually have the popular opinion about life and I know nobody likes people telling them the way they're living is wrong, but I thought being a friend meant being honest and giving the best advice you know to give (especially if they ask for advice). But really I shouldn't be looking to win popularity contests huh? I just never liked feeling like the elephant in the room. I wish I was stronger in that suite, just being who I am and not caring what people think of that after product. I care too much about people. It feels like a huge fault.
I think I'm just terribly disappointed most of the time when I feel that I can't be honest with people, I hate that feeling. But when you feel like your honesty won't be respected what else is there to do? Just be quiet. Because usually when I feel that prompt that what I'm saying won't be respected and I say it anyway, I get into trouble. And the one thing I hate in life more than anything is confrontation! It stresses me out. The last thing I want to deal with is somebody angry at me for me having my own opinion. And I always have my own opinion. :)
Recently I found an old friend that I hadn't talked to in about 5 years. It's wonderful to reminisce. There aren't many people I have in my life now that I had in my life before all these life changes. A person who remembers me the way I really am! Its nice to be able to talk and be myself, it's been such a long time. Pretty sad when you forget how to really have a good laugh and feel good about yourself.
Old friends are just as important as new ones and I have so few of them left from the younger me. It's nice to have people that know you, too. Being an adult is so fickle, maybe it's just me, but it's hard to find people that you can really have conversations with about real life issues, beliefs, problems etc. Everyone is so closed up or afraid of offending somebody. I know alot of it is because you're busy and when you have a family that's a priority, but it kind of sucks if you didn't have those relationships before hand and now it seems you won't ever get any.
Adult friendships are very very hard to come by, again, maybe it's just me? Or maybe I was spoiled in my younger years to have so many really close relationships and now the friends I have are just kind here or there, but not the same as I remember. Not the same depth. Mostly because I got so sick of getting close to people only to have the whole thing blow up in my face, makes a person want to close off from the world, you know?
Another thing about being an adult that I didn't think about when I was younger was the issue of learning to shut your mouth and in essence not be honest with people. I guess I took the "don't lie" thing a little weirder than most and kind of interpreted it to mean "always say what you're thinking", haha. Two very different things so it's probably a good thing life installed a filter between my brain and my mouth!
But all the same I miss childhood. I miss that innocence of not knowing the darker side of life and of people, believing that people were generally good and were looking out for one another.
I know I'm not the most popular person and I'm sure alot of that has to do with the things I say, my beliefs and positions politically as well as morally, and I'd like to think that it doesn't bother me even though I know it does. I don't usually have the popular opinion about life and I know nobody likes people telling them the way they're living is wrong, but I thought being a friend meant being honest and giving the best advice you know to give (especially if they ask for advice). But really I shouldn't be looking to win popularity contests huh? I just never liked feeling like the elephant in the room. I wish I was stronger in that suite, just being who I am and not caring what people think of that after product. I care too much about people. It feels like a huge fault.
I think I'm just terribly disappointed most of the time when I feel that I can't be honest with people, I hate that feeling. But when you feel like your honesty won't be respected what else is there to do? Just be quiet. Because usually when I feel that prompt that what I'm saying won't be respected and I say it anyway, I get into trouble. And the one thing I hate in life more than anything is confrontation! It stresses me out. The last thing I want to deal with is somebody angry at me for me having my own opinion. And I always have my own opinion. :)
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