Ruined
Some days I feel ruined.
My damaged percentage is overwhelming my untainted part. Like perhaps I am not as resilient as I had always tried to believe I could be, perhaps I am more like putty than I care to admit.
I walk into a church and I think to myself I'm ruined for this. Nice people are liars too. I look at their faces putting on this show and can't believe they are sincere about anything. They're hiding themselves to look better somehow more healed or holy than the rest of us. The lights; dimming and then getting bright to compliment the music getting louder and softer....all of it to persuade our feelings. All of it to increase the drama. It's all fake. It's like going into a movie theater and being encapsulated by the music and the story and the sheer surrealism. It's not real and neither is this. You come out of the theater feeling, routing for the heroine or hero. You feel invigorated. As if you were actually apart of it. Here's a news flash for you, you weren't. The only way to be apart of God is to be sincere in HIM. That's something that churches miss. If you can't serve God in private just as good as you do in public you're a liar, you're worse than a liar. You're an abomination. You're just like the vipers Jesus spoke about, putting on airs with your prayer tassels. Mine is bigger than yours so I'm holier than you. That's what it feels like walking into churches for me. Everyone is so concerned about how they look, how others are feeling, if they're raising their hands, if they're clapping, if they're dancing, God forbid they wave a flag and make you uncomfortable with how they worship God.
Sometimes I think the only sincere worship is the worship you have in private. I'm sick of everyone taking pieces of the bible and making a religion out of it. Either take the whole book or take none of it at all. You do more harm than good criticizing people for their version of worship.
There is no such thing as a worship leader. You can't lead someone to God. You can talk to them, you can share your experience of Him, but in the end they have to walk the road alone. The best witness is one that is sincere.
I'm sick of seeing church bands all in their perfect positions spread across the stage as if they're a show, they are a show. It's sickening to watch them perform. I never felt comfortable up there, not even when I was performing. I don't want to be a spectacle! I don't want people looking at ME. I never did. I never liked it. It isn't right. It's hard to say focus on God while you're in the front, higher than everyone else with a spot light on you. It's hypocrisy.
The best form of worship is sitting in a circle, no microphones, no spotlights, no bands with positions all neatly "just right", no stages. This is not a show. You aren't performing, or shouldn't be.
I'm ruined for churches. I don't find God there. I have yet to meet a great man of God in a church. I have yet to meet someone I would consider following. I have yet to meet a Pastor or leader tell me that they are just one piece of the body and that the person in the nursery was just as important and make me believe it. Pastors are church royalty. They are somehow thought of as the chose ones. Hello!? We are ALL God's chosen ones! What makes you so special!? This is not the day and age of the priesthood, you are not a priest, you are just someone who is supposed to be spreading the gospel...like all of us. That's all of our jobs.
I'M RUINED. And I'm ok with it. I feel like today God has feelings about the church that aren't exactly positive. We are a losing religion, Christianity. We are the fastest dying religion in the world. Why? Because of our insincerity. Because of our airs. Because of our hypocrisy. Because of our show.
Being a Pastor has become a job. People go to school to be a Pastor for a paycheck. They take it as a retirement plan, get a church so you can retire there. Peter had a job, he fished and preached. He preached because it was his calling, not his job. Not everyone that likes to preach is called to it.
I'm not a preacher. I'm not a worship leader. I'm not a church goer.
But I am a christian. I love God and I think many times He is insulted when He walks through churches doors. When He sees the theatrics. Where are the miracles? Where is the love? Where is the Family? Where is the loyalty? Where is your heart???? Where is your sincerity? Where are the orphans? The widows? The poor? Are they being fed and taken care of? Are we out in the streets telling people about God?
No, we're safely tucked in our $80,000 buildings.
Yep. I'm ruined. You've ruined me. And you know what? I'm OK with it, I'm a better person for thinking for myself.
My damaged percentage is overwhelming my untainted part. Like perhaps I am not as resilient as I had always tried to believe I could be, perhaps I am more like putty than I care to admit.
I walk into a church and I think to myself I'm ruined for this. Nice people are liars too. I look at their faces putting on this show and can't believe they are sincere about anything. They're hiding themselves to look better somehow more healed or holy than the rest of us. The lights; dimming and then getting bright to compliment the music getting louder and softer....all of it to persuade our feelings. All of it to increase the drama. It's all fake. It's like going into a movie theater and being encapsulated by the music and the story and the sheer surrealism. It's not real and neither is this. You come out of the theater feeling, routing for the heroine or hero. You feel invigorated. As if you were actually apart of it. Here's a news flash for you, you weren't. The only way to be apart of God is to be sincere in HIM. That's something that churches miss. If you can't serve God in private just as good as you do in public you're a liar, you're worse than a liar. You're an abomination. You're just like the vipers Jesus spoke about, putting on airs with your prayer tassels. Mine is bigger than yours so I'm holier than you. That's what it feels like walking into churches for me. Everyone is so concerned about how they look, how others are feeling, if they're raising their hands, if they're clapping, if they're dancing, God forbid they wave a flag and make you uncomfortable with how they worship God.
Sometimes I think the only sincere worship is the worship you have in private. I'm sick of everyone taking pieces of the bible and making a religion out of it. Either take the whole book or take none of it at all. You do more harm than good criticizing people for their version of worship.
There is no such thing as a worship leader. You can't lead someone to God. You can talk to them, you can share your experience of Him, but in the end they have to walk the road alone. The best witness is one that is sincere.
I'm sick of seeing church bands all in their perfect positions spread across the stage as if they're a show, they are a show. It's sickening to watch them perform. I never felt comfortable up there, not even when I was performing. I don't want to be a spectacle! I don't want people looking at ME. I never did. I never liked it. It isn't right. It's hard to say focus on God while you're in the front, higher than everyone else with a spot light on you. It's hypocrisy.
The best form of worship is sitting in a circle, no microphones, no spotlights, no bands with positions all neatly "just right", no stages. This is not a show. You aren't performing, or shouldn't be.
I'm ruined for churches. I don't find God there. I have yet to meet a great man of God in a church. I have yet to meet someone I would consider following. I have yet to meet a Pastor or leader tell me that they are just one piece of the body and that the person in the nursery was just as important and make me believe it. Pastors are church royalty. They are somehow thought of as the chose ones. Hello!? We are ALL God's chosen ones! What makes you so special!? This is not the day and age of the priesthood, you are not a priest, you are just someone who is supposed to be spreading the gospel...like all of us. That's all of our jobs.
I'M RUINED. And I'm ok with it. I feel like today God has feelings about the church that aren't exactly positive. We are a losing religion, Christianity. We are the fastest dying religion in the world. Why? Because of our insincerity. Because of our airs. Because of our hypocrisy. Because of our show.
Being a Pastor has become a job. People go to school to be a Pastor for a paycheck. They take it as a retirement plan, get a church so you can retire there. Peter had a job, he fished and preached. He preached because it was his calling, not his job. Not everyone that likes to preach is called to it.
I'm not a preacher. I'm not a worship leader. I'm not a church goer.
But I am a christian. I love God and I think many times He is insulted when He walks through churches doors. When He sees the theatrics. Where are the miracles? Where is the love? Where is the Family? Where is the loyalty? Where is your heart???? Where is your sincerity? Where are the orphans? The widows? The poor? Are they being fed and taken care of? Are we out in the streets telling people about God?
No, we're safely tucked in our $80,000 buildings.
Yep. I'm ruined. You've ruined me. And you know what? I'm OK with it, I'm a better person for thinking for myself.
Comments