At War
I'm at war. Mostly with myself. I can sometimes categorize myself as a "shopaholic". I give myself props for shopping on clearance {it's better than it could be}, but in the end I'm still what I am. Shopping gives me a feeling of control, it makes me feel like I have some say in how my financial life continues now. Not tomorrow, just now. So sometimes I fill up my cart and then strategically empty it, but it feels nice to have the option {or the imagined option} to buy everything in it if I wanted to. :) {It's all super cheap, don't get carried away with your imagination here}. So, I'm at war. I'm at war and I want to win this financial prize of security, this buried treasure underneath a tree somewhere {tin can of giant bills wadded underneath the tomato plants}. I want the equivalent of that in an investment fund, I want a paid off house, I want a college fund for my kids {although I won't pay for their college, they work for it and then when they complete it, it's theirs}, I want an emergency fund for my emergency fund, I want a savings account on all of that and I want a second vacation house somewhere exotic and tropical. I'd even like a boat. I don't want to be "rich" I just don't want to have to worry about money. So, I fight.
I'm pretty sure I qualified to give financial advice. The what to do and what not to do in your finances. I know how it feels to be in survival mode and have to make every single dollar count. I know what it's like to start to see all that survival turn into a slow but sure coast into doing o.k. And then somehow you're o.k. I'm still o.k. But because of my past I'm scared to death I'm going to make another mistake, I'm scared I'm going to make the same mistakes I've made in the past.
I'm pretty sure I'm qualified at this point in my life to look at myself and say, You've got problems. Once you have problems, you always have problems. The want to cut loose and spend never leaves you, that freedom that binds you. Believe me I'm qualified to tell you, it binds you. And the reason why you regret it is because you know you just let loose a piece of those wings you've been investing in. You just boxed yourself in a little bit more. And then you start to sweat a little. Even responsible purchases that take money away from your security blanket, they just ripped the security blanket away a little further away from you.
I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to tell myself the good advice I can give to others, but will I really follow it how I should? I am who I am. I am flawed. I have the same weaknesses I had 10 years ago. I want to do more than I really can do. I want to fly, but I really only have feet and probably will end up breaking my legs eventually jumping off the roof.
I give myself very good advice. I'm so over-qualified to look at you and tell you you can survive, you can go on in life and help yourself. You don't have to be in debt, you don't have to be filled with anxiety every time a bill comes in the mail. You can rejoice in the tiny things, like having the money to pay your bills even if you barely have it. You have it. You can rejoice in the fact that there is food in your refrigerator, there's clothes on your back, there's gas in your car ... in fact you have a car.
It may seem menial and degrading to know that you have a job, to pay for gas and a car, so you can go to work. I get that it sucks to be stuck in that horrible circle. But slowly but surely turning those circles you begin to make your rounds wider and wider and gain track and when you take the inside turn you will pass them. All the debt, all the bad habits {well, most of them anyways} and you will have that security you've been envying of everyone else {as if they all really had it}.
I am qualified to tell you how much life sucks some days. How important money is in your life, your relationships. How you handle your money will either curse your life, or bless it. People have to have their security. I know God is your security, but He gives you opportunities to succeed and you have to choose if you will invest wisely in his blessings or whittle them away.
Read Dave Ramsey's books. Carry cash {or the equivalent}. And if you don't trust yourself with credit cards, keep them out of your wallet. Start your $100, $500, or $1000 savings account and begin again. That small amount in savings will let you breathe a little clearer, believe me. I know what it feels like to have to dip into that and I never want to feel that again. That panic at not having your Plan B {Back up}.
I believe after being as poor and dependent as I have been that I am qualified to tell you tomorrow may not feel better, maybe not even next month. Get a plan of action and try your darndest to stick to it. When life hands you a dodge-ball towards the face, dodge it. Otherwise keep your head down, take joy in the small victories, and 1,2,3,4,5,6 years later you could have your war won.
I'm pretty sure I qualified to give financial advice. The what to do and what not to do in your finances. I know how it feels to be in survival mode and have to make every single dollar count. I know what it's like to start to see all that survival turn into a slow but sure coast into doing o.k. And then somehow you're o.k. I'm still o.k. But because of my past I'm scared to death I'm going to make another mistake, I'm scared I'm going to make the same mistakes I've made in the past.
I'm pretty sure I'm qualified at this point in my life to look at myself and say, You've got problems. Once you have problems, you always have problems. The want to cut loose and spend never leaves you, that freedom that binds you. Believe me I'm qualified to tell you, it binds you. And the reason why you regret it is because you know you just let loose a piece of those wings you've been investing in. You just boxed yourself in a little bit more. And then you start to sweat a little. Even responsible purchases that take money away from your security blanket, they just ripped the security blanket away a little further away from you.
I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to tell myself the good advice I can give to others, but will I really follow it how I should? I am who I am. I am flawed. I have the same weaknesses I had 10 years ago. I want to do more than I really can do. I want to fly, but I really only have feet and probably will end up breaking my legs eventually jumping off the roof.
I give myself very good advice. I'm so over-qualified to look at you and tell you you can survive, you can go on in life and help yourself. You don't have to be in debt, you don't have to be filled with anxiety every time a bill comes in the mail. You can rejoice in the tiny things, like having the money to pay your bills even if you barely have it. You have it. You can rejoice in the fact that there is food in your refrigerator, there's clothes on your back, there's gas in your car ... in fact you have a car.
It may seem menial and degrading to know that you have a job, to pay for gas and a car, so you can go to work. I get that it sucks to be stuck in that horrible circle. But slowly but surely turning those circles you begin to make your rounds wider and wider and gain track and when you take the inside turn you will pass them. All the debt, all the bad habits {well, most of them anyways} and you will have that security you've been envying of everyone else {as if they all really had it}.
I am qualified to tell you how much life sucks some days. How important money is in your life, your relationships. How you handle your money will either curse your life, or bless it. People have to have their security. I know God is your security, but He gives you opportunities to succeed and you have to choose if you will invest wisely in his blessings or whittle them away.
Read Dave Ramsey's books. Carry cash {or the equivalent}. And if you don't trust yourself with credit cards, keep them out of your wallet. Start your $100, $500, or $1000 savings account and begin again. That small amount in savings will let you breathe a little clearer, believe me. I know what it feels like to have to dip into that and I never want to feel that again. That panic at not having your Plan B {Back up}.
I believe after being as poor and dependent as I have been that I am qualified to tell you tomorrow may not feel better, maybe not even next month. Get a plan of action and try your darndest to stick to it. When life hands you a dodge-ball towards the face, dodge it. Otherwise keep your head down, take joy in the small victories, and 1,2,3,4,5,6 years later you could have your war won.
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